I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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