So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
