mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
