under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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