Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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