i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
birth control should be required to get into college
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
