I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
