I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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