Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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