I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
