I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
