I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
