Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
