Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
