Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
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