Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
