So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
