I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
