Her vagina should come with caution tape.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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