I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize