I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize