So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
