Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
