It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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