were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize