Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
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