A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
