oh god the rape fog is back!
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
