Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
