based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
