I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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