Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Randomize
