Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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