Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
