It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
