I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
