We're like a lot better than the average bears
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
