Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
