I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Your cock deserves a montage
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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