Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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