took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
