okay pat passed out under dana's car
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Randomize