I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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