i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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