my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
