I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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