1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
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