My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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