fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
