I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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