my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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