Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
