respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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