I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
