see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Success! We fucked roommates!
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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