okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
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