Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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