I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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