I just made out with a guy for $7.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize