stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize