I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
