I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
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