im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Randomize
