are you still at the devil's house?
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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