just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
