I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Randomize
