Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
