Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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