$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
i was born a porn star she said
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Bring me that man meat
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize