i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
