I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
you never un-have a 4some
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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